the stupidest Slytherin

I’ve been re-watching the Harry Potter movies of late. I find myself still impressed again at how engaging the saga is and how the stories grow up with the characters: as they mature to into a more nuanced, less black and white outlook the stories gain complexity as well. And damn if she doesn’t know how to world-build!

And I got to thinking about The Book (hell, I’m always thinking about The Book). Rowling rolled at least one historical magician into the Potterverse (are there more I’m forgetting?) so surely there are others. So:

If John Dee were any more Ravenclaw he’d live in a library OH WAIT. He certainly embodies wit, learning, and wisdom, even if he’s a bit gullible. What do you wanna bet his wardenship of Christ’s College Manchester was just cover for his real trip north for a Hogwart’s fellowship?

Edward Kelley may have all the ambition of a Slytherin but he’s not together enough to carry out his wildest schemes…or is he? I think the Snapes and Malfoys of the world would disown him if he didn’t get himself kicked out of Hogwarts outright.

Jane Dee is a muggle, period. She doesn’t approve of all this magical nonsense–it’s dangerous and unseemly besides.

I imagine Kelley’s brother Thomas is clearly Hufflepuff. He’s loyal and patient to though Kelley often doesn’t deserve it.

Joanna Kelley may well be the only Gryffindor. She’s got to be brave to see all of their continental travel as an adventure rather than a hazard, and she’s determined to put a bright spin on everyone and everything.

Elizabeth Jane Weston (Lizzie), Joanna’s daughter? She’s about four years old during the story – too young to sort, certainly. But she’s definitely got some of her mom in her.

The spies Sledd and Pucci are Slytherin through and through. Sledd would make a stone-cold Death Eater but Pucci would be a toady like Peter Pettigrew and possibly less competent than Kelley.

Draco Malfoy sitting under the sorting hat
Pucci would make Draco Malfoy look strong willed. Courtesy Giphy.

Of all my characters Joanna is possibly the only truly likeable one of the lot (but are there any unlikeable Gryffindors?). But at least my less-than-savory characters aren’t dull.

How do your characters (or your favorite fictional characters) sort out?

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Allison Thurman

Allison Thurman has always made stuff: out of fabric, metal, beads, even exaggerated fencing moves. Of late she makes stories out of weird history, with fragments of pop culture, unsolved mysteries, and science fiction mixed in for texture.

She lives in a galaxy far, far away (well, the DC metro area) with too many books and swords.

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