mixed emotions

Tomorrow HNS2021 starts and I wish I were more excited than I am.

I type this from my home office – the same office from which I’ve been working from home for the past year and a half. So while I have the week off the day job, there’s not much change in my routine. Indeed, I still have domestic obligations that aren’t going away just because I’m on (sort of) vacation.

I’ve made shamefully little progress in my writing, due to…well, everything. It’s been a crap year. I’ve even neglected my blog because I’ve simply not had much to talk about. “Be forgiving of yourself”, yes, but I go into this conference in about the same place as I did back in 2019—except without not even an active blog presence to point to.

My first HNS was back in 2015. Back then I was excited about the conference and the people and the classes and the first feedback on my first draft of The Book!!! This year (my fourth conference, Christ, my fourth!) I just want to be done with the latest draft of The Book so I can start querying it again and move on to the next thing.

More than anything else I want to get excited about the Next Thing. The muse isn’t gone, and I still sit down to Scrivener every morning in case it shows up. I’ve got a couple of vague notions (and one short story I’m actually eager to polish) but that feeling of being so seized by an idea that I can think of nothing else eludes me.

I’m in a ditch. I know I can dig out. It’s taking a hell of an effort though, and I’m an impatient person.

Over the next few months I am going to try and resurrect this blog though. If you have any ideas of what a (still relatively isolated and housebound) writer might blather about I am all ears.*

*Contrary to perceptions my comments are not closed – they’re just closed after 3 weeks and I’ve not written a blog post in 3 months.

the inevitable

My querying is really rolling now. Know how I can tell? I got my first rejections.

Hand with stamp with big red letters REJECTED hammering down repeatedly on a piece of paper

“Pleased” isn’t exactly the word – every query goes out with the hope of success. I can’t even say I’m relieved, which given that I hate not knowing where I stand is a novel experience.

But I feel like I’ve passed some kind of writerly milestone. It’s one thing to write for myself, another to share it with people I know, but sending it out into the world for a chance at having it be a printed and bound book I can put on a shelf seems a step beyond.

Rejection is part of the process. Just as I can’t fence hoping to medal/make gold every time, I can’t expect every query to end in offers of representation. Most of them won’t.

I just hope I can maintain my good humor as the rejections stack up.

HNS recap

This isn’t going to be your usual conference recap.

If I try to list names or sessions I’ll forget someone and I don’t want to risk leaving someone out or appear to play favorites. If you were there, you know who you are, and you made my third(!) HNS conference everything I dreamed it would be and more!

The weekend itself was a delightful, overwhelming blur. Many people met and re-met, many sessions attended, many ideas spawned and shaped.

I’ve not even typed up my notes yet but a few notions stand out:

Make shit up. Hammering a story arc out of Kelley and Dee’s peripatetic activities sent me down research rabbit holes that did nothing to help the story, so “permission” to focus on the fiction in historical fiction in the next book* was supremely freeing!

Do what scares you. If a project seems out of your league, you’re probably on the right track.

Say yes. To ideas, to opportunities, to something or someone you’ve not considered before. You might learn something.

Be flexible. In terms of describing your work, marketing, etc. ‘Cos my manuscript has fingers in multiple pies but doesn’t fit in any one pie tin.

Go gothic. See “be flexible” above. I always thought of “gothic” fiction as something set in the Victorian era that explored the tension between man and technology. Not so – check out these tropes. At HNS 2017 I learned I was writing historical fantasy; this year I further honed that down to gothic fiction. Makes it easier to describe this thing, that’s for damn sure!

Avoid burnout. Because I’ve been skating on the edge of it for months, and enjoy riding that edge until I hit a wall. I may turn off social media apps or designate certain times or days social media-free just for my own sanity. I may also set aside a day a week to NOT work on book-related stuff.

Stay on site, if possible. This is specific to conferences, but not just HNS. This year HNS was in my own back yard but I got a hotel room so I wouldn’t have to cut interesting conversations short to hit the road. Because guaranteed-all the really good conversation takes place after hours.

This publishing thing is incremental. I am thrilled to report that I pitched my novel and got some interest! I’ve sent pages to the relevant parties and while of course I’m hopeful I keep reminding myself: this is just a foot in the door. If it goes nowhere, that’s ok – these pitches were practice for future pitches. If this book goes nowhere, it’s ok – this book was practice for future books. If this book does get representation, that’s only one step in the long process of getting a book on shelves. It’s a cliché but overnight success is never, ever overnight.

picture of an iceberg. Exposed section is the success that people see. All the stuff underwater is the invisible stuff that goes into success: hard work, determination, disappointment, sacrifice, dedication, good habits, failures.
Credit where credit is due: this is Katelyn Shelby‘s. Read the post as well.

As I type this I’m prepping for the final loop in this summer’s roller coaster: Nationals. So it’s going to take me awhile to digest everything I learned last weekend. Maybe I’ll make some headway on my to-read stack between competitions, so there’s that.

*For the next book I am going to avoid real historical figures for this reason. I’m also likely going to write the pitch/synopsis first to keep the story foremost in my mind.

shit getting real: taxes

So, since I got out of my perfectionism tail-chasing the writing has gone very well – a scene a day rather than a scene a week. At this rate I might have my fifty pages within a month [crosses fingers]!

But I’m also working on the business end of things.

Writers should be able to fully deduct from their taxes all writing-related expenses, including alcohol, parking tickets, court judgments, fines for lewd public behavior, Zoloft, and cigarettes- Chuck Palalniuk
Via likesuccess.com

Not including quite what Palahniuk is, but I am going to try to deduct the Prague research trip from my taxes.

Even though I’m not published.

Even though I can’t guarantee that I will ever be published.

Though my writing acquaintances assure me this is all above board it still makes this adventure that little bit scarier, that little bit more real. I’m naturally risk-averse and images of the IRS breathing down my neck if I don’t get a book deal steal into my head unbidden.

But still.

For the past 3+ years I’ve raided libraries, taken classes, gone to writer’s conferences, purchased craft books and now traveled internationally in pursuit of the possibility of hammering this WIP into something suitable for print.

I’d not have gone to this much time, effort and expense if I weren’t serious.

So I’ll see what they say.

And keep (re)writing.